An (0) manual for everyone who longs to attain True Britishness – a complete guide to the British Way of Life

IN ENGLAND * everything is the other way round.

On Sundays on the Continent even the poorest person puts on his best suit, tries to look respectable, and at the same time the life of the country becomes gay and (1) ; in England even the richest peer or motor-manufacturer dresses in some peculiar rags, does not shave, and the country becomes dull and dreary. On the Continent there is one topic which should be (2) - the weather; in England, if you do not repeat the phrase 'Lovely day, isn't it?' at least two hundred times a day, you are (3) as a bit dull. On the Continent

people use a fork as though a fork were a shovel; in England they (4)
down and push everything - including peas - on top of it.

it upside


On the Continent stray cats are judged individually on their merit - some are loved, some are only respected; in England they are (5) worshipped as in ancient Egypt. On the Continent people have good food; in England people have good table manners.
On the Continent public orators try to learn to speak fluently and smoothly; in England they
(6) a special course in Oxonian stuttering.

On the Continent almost every (7) whether little or great has openly declared at
one time or another that it is superior to all other nations; the English fight heroic wars to combat these dangerous ideas without ever mentioning which is really the most superior race in the world. Continental people are (8) and touchy; the English take everything with an exquisite sense of humour - they are only (9) if you tell them that they have no sense of humour. On the Continent the (10) consists of a small percentage of criminals, a small percentage of honest people and the rest are a (11) transition between the two; in England you find a small percentage of criminals and the rest are honest people. On the other hand, people on the Continent either tell you the truth or lie; in England they
(12) ever lie, but they would not dream of telling you the truth.

* When people say England, they sometimes mean Great Britain, sometimes the United Kingdom, sometimes the British Isles - but never England.